I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
