Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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