i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
