is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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