just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
