Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
