How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
