new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
