Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
