What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
