i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
