C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
false alarm. still invincible.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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