He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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