He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
