I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
