dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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