the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
