Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
