No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
