when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my sisters under your porch take her home
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
