On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
