what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
