dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
