Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
