I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
