Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
