How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
