it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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