I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
