I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
