did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
