yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
