a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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