i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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