Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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