Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
