i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
