Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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