maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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