then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
