Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
