My first STD was from a foam party
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
