all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
