You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
