Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
