you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
