the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
