Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
