I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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