Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
