u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
